It was a long and tiring winter with a baby scare and a woman settling in for her last nap.
There were many road trips to Nebraska to embrace the time left, to capture Father Time and hold him at bay for a little while longer. There were irregular eating hours and likely a lack of a balanced diet. I sat still, more than I should have. Then again, we all have been guilty of that since the whole world turned upside down nearly three years ago.
A child, a woman, a mother expecting her second baby learns there may be trouble. She needs to rest, lay low, and surrender for a minute. This is tough for her. She is a go-getter, a mover, and a hard worker. She could use the help and assistance of her mother. I jump, run, do not pause, and fly to Kentucky. I have been there for just over six weeks. She is better but needs to take it easy. She can work from home and leave her bed. I fly home.
Home is a concept after the last months, where I change the cat box, deliver treats at 8 PM and make sure their water is fresh. A place where I water the plants, catch up on the laundry and organize my office. I barely have time for any of the house things before it’s time to go. I don’t give a damn about my chores, or my office, and my Barley and Lily are looked after, so please don’t take this that way. I have been through this kind of loss, I know the pain of losing my own mother, and there isn’t anything that I can do to shelter James’ heart from what he is about to walk through.
Although time had told us he must move on and take this dear woman with him, time lingered and moved so slowly. I sat more still than I had recently. I was overwrought with sadness for the loss that held them so tightly. I didn’t know how to comfort them.
The map of the days and months I’ve described is important. Zachariah came for the funeral. He had mentioned when he and his family came to KY for Christmas that I kept getting smaller every time he saw me. I blew it off and didn’t understand. In January, when I saw him again, he made a comment about me maybe having an eating disorder. I think that he was just being ‘witty’ because of a weight loss he had noticed, that I had paid no mind to. Life was really moving too fast with too much going on. Not to mention, I lived in joggers. They can be misleading, typically for weight gain, but just the same.
When I finally got home and settled in, I made a doctor’s appointment. They did a full fasting blood panel. My weight was down nearly 20 pounds, and my muscle mass had greatly depleted. My A1C was 12.7. Glucose over 300. I was diagnosed in February 2022 with Type 2 Diabetes.
I have just received my second follow-up blood panel results, oddly on World Diabetes Day. I have kept food journals to monitor what works for me and what doesn’t, balanced my eating habits, watched my portions, and exercised (a bit). The journey to move is real, and it has not been easy with the muscle loss, but I can now take the stairs as I once did without feeling like I ran a marathon. I drink plenty of water and tea (decaf after 3 PM) and have only recently begun to allow myself food I miss from time to time. Today, my weight loss has tapered off to 33 pounds, and my muscle mass is slowly coming back (it will take much longer and a lot of hard work for it to come back fully). With my dedication to myself and medication (not insulin), my A1C is now at 5.6, and my glucose is at 94.0.
I have a lot to tell you, from my anger and sadness to my growth in this new journey. I will follow through, and I will let you know. I never realized that ‘sudden’ weight loss was a result, and can only imagine that my failure to listen to my body prior to my diagnosis is how it got to the degree that it had.