If you, like me have ever been told that you are strong and don’t always feel that way, you aren’t alone. In fact, if this is your story, you are probably handling this strength thing perfectly.
I have always felt it a bit of a misnomer that strength was the void of weakness. After all, I am one that has been told that I am strong and I know that there are plenty of times in my like that I felt anything but strong.
As I have gotten older, I have starred weakness in the face. I have sat with her and have both negotiated with her and pleaded with her. Weakness is a funny girl. She can be debilitating and a necessity. If you listen to the whispers from weakness, if you absorb them, she can cut you deep. She can leave you weeping mercilessly for eternity. A question, however, emerges from that statement… “if you listen to her…”. Listening to her, you might say, is inescapable, is obligatory. I would say that you are right and wrong.
The right and wrong of listening to weakness can be a very thin line, a gray area that is hard to navigate through. As you know, if you have ever had her whisper in your ear, it is almost certain that you will not be able to turn the other cheek. It is my opinion that that is why she can be debilitating, yet also a necessity. There are ways to become her friend, as sorts. I have found that ignoring weakness can lead to her having a more commanding voice.
Let’s step back a few steps to paint a more clear picture of the weakness that I speak. I don’t mean the weakness in not being able to open a new jar of (dill) pickles. When I speak of weakness, I mean the whispers that come in the night as you try to sleep, the one that plagues you before a job interview or date. The weakness that I am talking about is a mouthy girl that tells you you can’t get out of bed, that you can’t face menial tasks, and you’ll never amount to anything. Essentially, she is the one that tries to convince you that you aren’t worthy or you can’t get through blocks that have been put in your path. Mind you that I know, personally, the word blocks might seem small compared to some of the things that you have to face and by no means do I mean to belittle your blocks, but in the end, a block is a block, no matter how light or heavy it is.
Here’s what happens, in my experience with this feisty chick. She takes me down to depths that suck up my oxygen and leaving me gasping for air. In these times of weakness, I am small, insignificant, and afraid. I have found that in fighting weakness I become exhausted and the more I fight the more I find it hard to find my voice. It is in this feeling of helplessness that brought me to the conclusions that I have come to today. Weakness needs to breathe her own life, I know, that sounds insane.
Before you get mad and abandon this post because I said that weakness needs to breathe her own life, hang on give me just a little more time. I don’t know about you, but no matter how much I try, I still end up in conversations with weakness. I can still find myself losing control with a path that becomes overcast. This is what I have done and why I now seem to be some sadistic ambassador for weakness. I give her as little as five minutes and up to 2 days.
It’s not a deal with the devil as some would say and think, it’s a deal with me, myself and I. I know that my sky can be cluttered with dark clouds, I know that my dark clouds can consume, there isn’t any avoiding that. We have already established that weakness will have time, whether we allow her or fight her. Fighting her, for me, has only shown to be longer and harder. I know this is in my life and I know that it isn’t healthy to let the weight in my heart and mind get so heavy that I can’t get out of bed, shower or lift my head.
Don’t cry for me, stand with me. I want all of us to realize how important we are and how far we can go together. The depths of her bowels, weakness, will boil up and corrode us should we try to fight her and stand ignorantly alone. Just like allowing yourself a donut, just one on a Tuesday or pizza on the weekend, knowing that you will have weak moments is key to staying strong. Know your limits and open the door to weakness only under your plan, with your rules.
